Peace Be With You: I Must Go On Leave

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I Must Go On Leave

God, grant me serenity to
Accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to know the difference.

29 comments:

Judy at Peace Be With You said...: The unrelenting stress continues from all sides. Though this blog is a joy for me and I will endeavor to read your blogs, I must go on leave. For those of you who are praying folks, pray for me. For those who aren't, think well of me. This is an unbelievably tough time.; October 23, 2012 at 10:57 AM
Muffie said...: You are in my prayers, and I will storm heaven that you get rid of these stressful problems and receive peace.
Muff; October 23, 2012 at 11:01 AM
Josè Antonio said...: I will be with you here always,Judy,alway. Aunque sentir lo que siento, en estos momentosm, no puedo escribirlo en ningún idioma.; October 23, 2012 at 11:15 AM
Gail said...: JUDY - I will miss you and your poems so much. I truly understand your need to do what you must to sort through and resolve what is tangling up your life right now. I wish I could help you more, and for real. Meanwhile I will pray and hold you close in the best energy possible, filled with light and love.
Love Gail
peace.....; October 23, 2012 at 11:56 AM
Karen said...: My thoughts and prayers are with you Judy.; October 23, 2012 at 1:25 PM
Karen said...: Will miss your poems and will keep you in my prayers.; October 23, 2012 at 3:53 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Thank you, all. Your words, which I have read many times today, bring tears to my eyes. Your loving support means a great deal.; October 23, 2012 at 10:28 PM
Patrick said...: Judy my thoughts are with you. Your words have brought me sanity when I needed it and fed me food for thought when I needed that. ... and made Patti laugh!

Thank you while you find what you need.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick; October 24, 2012 at 11:25 AM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Patrick, I can't think of any greater compliment of my poems than their having made Patti laugh.; October 24, 2012 at 11:19 PM
sito saguid said...: judy,

we can never measure how much strength and courage your poems have effected in us your readers. we will pray for you. life must be learned, life must be earned. just remember we are on a path towards the mastery of Life ..; October 25, 2012 at 7:40 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Sito Saguid,

Your words are very moving and wise. I am honored by your words and thank you for reading my poems and for reaching out to me at this time.; October 26, 2012 at 1:38 PM
Donna said...: Thinking of you and sending oomphy cyberhugs.

Donna; October 27, 2012 at 2:54 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Donna, thanks for thinking of me. I hope your new life is working out. Hugs back.; October 28, 2012 at 3:23 PM
Diane J Standiford said...: I will pray AND think of you. May peace find you and hold you.; October 29, 2012 at 1:34 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Diane, my heartfelt thanks.; October 29, 2012 at 6:02 PM
Andaje said...: Judy, Just read your post as my little world was upside down for a while. Am going to miss your daily poems, but understand that you want some me-time to go through your hard time. Glad that your poems are out here in the blogworld so we can re-revisit your inspiring and food-for-thoughts poems.
Judy take care and I prayers from here.; November 1, 2012 at 6:08 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Anne, I am sorry you too have been going through a difficult time. I hope it resolves favorably for you.; November 2, 2012 at 10:11 PM
Laurie Adamson said...: Oh dear, this sounds onimous. I rarely comment, but read daily. Will miss you, and will pray.; November 5, 2012 at 9:45 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Laurie, thanks for your prayers.; November 5, 2012 at 10:23 PM
Diane J Standiford said...: This too shall pass. If I had a dime for every time my mind has said that to me, but it was always true. (( )); November 13, 2012 at 10:03 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Diane, I keep hoping. I seem though to keep accumulating dimes. Hopefully soon I will be able to cash them in.; November 14, 2012 at 1:16 AM
writingms said...: Judy -- It has been quite some time since I've written on my own blogsite -- I've been going through months of difficulty and just today went online to your site to reconnect. I was shocked to turn to your blog today and find that you are going through some very difficult times. i am sending you my best thoughts and wishes. Like so many people, I will be wondering how you are doing and wishing, wishing for only good things for you.; November 18, 2012 at 5:08 AM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: writingms, I am sorry you too have been going through a rough time. In my case, things have eased a bit which only means the Richter scale is at a 7.5 instead of a 9. I too send you my best thoughts and wishes.; November 18, 2012 at 4:22 PM
Tina said...: Just sending you a note of love and encouragement, Judy <3 I pray that the Lord has been renewing and strengthening you, dear sister in Christ...; November 24, 2012 at 2:21 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Tina, thank you so much for your love and encouragement. And your prayers.; November 25, 2012 at 3:21 PM
Kim @ Stuff could... said...: I am stopping by to say hello...you are missed in the blogworld. I hope you are getting better nowadays; November 27, 2012 at 3:10 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Kim, thanks for stopping by. I actually miss my blog, but am holding myself back from restarting. I need to rest more than anything. While the number of balls in the air has diminished, my MS also kicked in. The stress has taken its toll. So ... I need to continue resting for the near future. Thanks for your concern.; November 28, 2012 at 10:16 AM
Laura said...: just want to say Happy New Year, what ever it may bring for you Judy... I hope mostly you experience peace.; December 31, 2012 at 5:11 PM
Judy at Peace Be With You said...: Thank you, Laura, for your good wishes. May the new year bring you joy and love.; December 31, 2012 at 8:21 PM

About Me and My Poems

Hi, I’m Judy. Welcome to my blog where I present triptychs of haiku poems, which allow me to distill my thoughts into very few words. My often nontraditional haikus acknowledge life challenges with honesty while also embracing hope and joy. MS is one such challenge, and I find lessons on that journey to be gifts of wisdom about life in general.

My poems will span
the emotional spectrum.
That is what I live.

A smile may lift me
past my daily challenges.
I share that with you.

Sometimes sadness trumps
easy laughter and resolve.
I will write then too.

Thank You to My Readers

Many of you check in frequently. Some have called my poems inspiring, which has taught me a new meaning for the word. I had always thought being inspiring meant making someone feel enthusiastic and confident. Instead, in referring to my poems, you cite my honesty and feel inspired by it. I seem to express truths you welcome hearing and which help you. I am simply honored that my words could do such a thing. You have transformed what originally was a self-directed activity into one which benefits others. How often does one have the opportunity to do that? Truly I am blessed by your presence in my life. This motivates me to keep writing these poems and to keep expressing with honesty my feelings and thoughts. My heartfelt thanks to you for sharing my journey.

How This Blog Got Its Peace Name

The mystery solved
I now know the reason why
this blog got its name.

My dad liked to say,
“The peace of God be with you.”
I had forgotten.

The phrase came to me.
I used it unconsciously.
Then friends let me know.

There is only so much one can say in 51 syllables so I was not able to add the following. My late father’s church did an oral history of his life. As I read the results of the interviews, I was struck by how often people remembered that his favorite expression was “The peace of God be with you.” I had forgotten that and have been wondering why on earth I named my blog as I did. I even thought of changing it more than once. Now I realize I was subsconsciously remembering my father’s expression. So the blog name remains.

How I Get Through This

There are times when I look up and say, how did this happen to me? Asking why usually doesn’t get me anywhere, except depression. My present reality really does not allow me to indulge in such questions. I have to cope instead with adjusting to my currently diminished physical capacity and to the appalling possibility, nay, probability that this can get much, much worse. How do I then maintain my spirit? Who is the Me who remains when so much of what defined me has been stripped away? Can I transmute this reality into something with meaning and value? Sometimes I find little victories that sustain me. Sometimes I find someone like Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl to help me navigate these questions. At other times I feel that I am in a boat without a paddle in a raging sea. Mostly I am a work in progress living an unexpected life where most of the rules I thought applied don’t, and I am left to rely on whatever inner strength, character, and personal faith I can call on to get me through. But sometimes even inner strength, character, and personal faith do not seem like they are enough. This is just tough. Or theater of the absurd.

My Manifesto

The following poem generated the most comments and blog links of any of the poems I have written. My response to all the comments is provided below. I now call it My Manifesto.

Here is a pet peeve.
When people say they are glad
that they got MS.

They are pleased because
it made them better persons.
My blood just curdles.

Are you kidding me?
Was there no better method
to accomplish growth?

Judging by the number of comments, this poem obviously resonated, and I can understand why. I also want to share what triggered my writing it. I had watched a recently diagnosed person stand up in front of an audience and say, “I am glad I got MS. I am a much better person as a result.”

He is not the only MSer I have heard say that. What I have discovered is that those who say such a thing tend to fall into two camps. They are either recently diagnosed and/or they are not suffering from loss of mobility or some other dastardly manifestation of this scourge of a disease.

My position on this? As I said in one of my poems,

I can be grateful
for gifts this challenge gave me
and still hate MS.

I have no doubt that I am a more compassionate, generous, less shallow person now than I was before coming down with MS. Would I still have reached this more enlightened place as a result of normal maturation? I don’t know and can’t ever know. I only have the life I have. But I will NEVER say that I am glad I have MS. On the contrary, as I said in one of my other poems,

Full recovery.
That will be my intention
until my last breath.

Whatever accommodation I achieve with this disease will always be one in which I am, only out of necessity, cohabiting with an enemy. If calling it an enemy is too strong, then I can at least say that MS will never be my friend. I am sure psychologists would have a field day with my position. With my own therapist, we’ve declared a truce in which I say I acknowledge, instead of accept, that I have MS. I will never accept, though, that this is what my life should be like. As I said in another of my poems,

I will not allow
MS to appear normal.
Absolutely not.

And I am glad I still have some fight left in me so I can feel this way. There are enough days when I feel quite defeated by this disease. Then another day comes when a glimmer of light helps me remember the Judy I want to be and not just the MS-Judy, and I go on to fight again. That’s when I can say,

I don’t want to hear
the odds are impossible.
I aim to beat them.

And, knowing that days will come when I will again feel oppressed by the enormous challenge I face, I keep these poems on display so that I can remember who I want to be at my best.

As for finding the peace that is the title of this blog, I can only say that, variable though it might be, I find peace in knowing that I can control my attitude about my life.

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you. You make this journey so much easier because of it.

To read all the comments, go to: http://lapazconvos.blogspot.com/2011/01/pet-peeve.html

Peace Be With You

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I Must Go On Leave

29 comments:

About Me and My Poems

May You ...

Thank You to My Readers

Followers

Follow by Email

EMAIL ME

Copyright Notice

How This Blog Got Its Peace Name

How I Get Through This

Success Redefined

Intention

Nelson Mandela's Words

From Marc at Wheelchair Kamikaze

From Nicole at My New Normals

My Manifesto

Share it

Search This Blog

Labels

Blog Archive

My Blog List

Feedjit